Unsure, Slow Love
by faithtasha
Summary: The Boss doesn't trust anyone since the tragedy of Carlos' death; at least no one but Johnny Gat. One day, as she's avoiding her problems, Matt Miller himself appears to join forces. How will she react? What is Matt's aim? And will the Boss learn how to trust again?


Nicole had always heard her mother and father argue. Not once in her childhood did she have a happy memory with both of them. Maybe that's why she didn't truly believe in relationships. Not just romantic ones, either. Johnny had to work for a friendship with the Boss for over two years, and now he's the only one she really trusts. Not even Pierce or Shaundi.

It was physically apparent, too. When talking to anybody but Gat, Boss' eyes were clouded with mistrust; her jaw set in a strong line as if she could keep out everyone with just her looks, and her voice was monotone. Honestly, it wasn't good for the saints. The members give their life to the Boss, yet she plainly refused to trust any of them.

Carlos had been one of the people she trusted. Since the moment he nonchalantly helped her break out of prison, the Boss had a special place in her heart for him. Carlos had little quirks that she adored finding. He only ate pizza if the cheese was taken off, he liked to wink at people for good luck, he couldn't stand to wear matching socks, he was super good with handling babies. He was the first person she fell in love with outside of the familial love she felt for Johnny. Back then, right after she broke out of jail, she had been more open to people. The Boss had been friendly and optimistic about every situation, until Carlos was killed.

No one, not even Johnny, knew that Carlos' death happened the day Nicole decided to confess to him. The Boss secretly blamed herself, thinking that maybe it was karma; killing the one person she finally loved in return for the thousands of lives she had taken. Truthfully, she wished it had been her to die that day. Maybe that's why she shut herself off from the world, maybe it was some shitty way for her to try to protect people. 'If I don't love anyone, karma can't take them away.' That kind of thing.

The Boss was ripped from her thoughts as Pierce came in her room. When she first entered the penthouse loft, it was empty.

"What do you want?" Her voice, as usual, sounded exhausted. Nightmares plagued her every night. The Boss stood from where she had been resting on the bed. Pierce came to a stop right in front of her, crossing his arms and raising a brow.

"Where've you been?" The accusative tone ticked Nicole off. The fuck did she do this time? The Boss crossed her arms, taking a defensive stance, ready to argue with Pierce for the umpteenth time that week.

"None of your fucking business. Now what do you want?" She put heavy venom in her voice. She wanted to be left alone, not fighting. The exhaustion was taking a toll, she had trouble focusing. When was the last time she slept?

"Excuse me for wondering where the leader of the Saints has been hiding while her right hand man takes care of everything. Did you know, just this morning Matt Miller hired a fucking attack chopper on yo ass? And guess who had to take care of it cuz a certain someone wouldn't pick up the fuckin phone so she could be warned?"

Nicole rolled her eyes, knowing the feeling of responsibility weighing on her shoulders. Ignoring the guilty feeling that set in when she realized she actually had no idea she could've died this morning, the Boss projected the guilt onto Pierce.

"Doesn't feel nice to be in charge of everything, does it?"

She could see his features soften as his arms swung to his sides. "Look, I didn't want to do this, but I'm bringing Gat's ass up here."

Pierce silently turned and left, the door slamming behind him. The Boss could hear the 'ding' of the elevator as it took her self-proclaimed right hand man to the ground floor. She contemplated leaving before Johnny got here, just packing some stuff and leaving the city. Johnny could run the Saints way better than she was.

But before she could move a muscle, the elevator 'ding'-ed again. A soft rapping sounded from her door. Sighing, she flopped back down on the couch. How the hell had Johnny gotten there so fast?

"Come in." The words left her mouth sounding so monotone it could've been a robot talking. The door opened, and to her surprise Matt Miller himself came in. The Boss was out of her seat, across the room, and holding a pistol to his neck in a matter of seconds.

"The fuck do you want?" Venom poured from her mouth in heaps. The hatred she felt for this man...she couldn't describe it. Her finger was milliseconds away from pulling the trigger and ending his miserable life. The goth boy in front of her froze, a cold sweat breaking across his forehead. His mouth, covered in blue lipstick, opened and closed again. Nicole's patience was thinning.

"If you don't explain yourself in the next two seconds, I will splatter the door with your brain." The threat was real, and he could tell. He gasped and dropped to his knees. The Boss chuckled, thinking, 'How the fuck does this wimp run a gang?' before dropping the pistol to point at his temple. Matt stuttered over his words for a solid five minutes before Nicole understood what he was saying. Basically, he was here to apologize for being such a bitch and wished to join forces with her. She immediately saw through the lie, he was here to go undercover. Did he think she was stupid?

"Oh, right. And I'm sure the attack chopper this morning was gonna shoot confetti at me to celebrate our joining, huh?" Her voice dripped with sarcasm, and she thought again of how she could just shoot him and end this. But for some reason, she couldn't. Every time she went to end his life, a flash of Carlos played in her mind. Carlos' face shredded to bits, his brains falling out of his skull, the features she so loved hardly recognizable. Tears threatened to spill, but no way. No fucking way in hell was she going to cry. Not in front of Matt fucking Miller, not in front of Pierce, not even in front of Johnny. Leaders don't cry, leaders stay strong. Double that for gang leaders.

The boy looked up, surprise in his eyes. "How do you know about the chopper?" Nicole was ready to shoot herself when the thought that his accent was cute crossed her mind. "No one was supposed to know. They didn't even get off the ground before they were blown up." Silence ticked by as the Boss waited for Matt to understand. "Ah." Was all Matt said as he understood.

"So I'm gonna tell you how this plays out. You do everything I say, and you won't get shot. Obviously, you know what happens otherwise. So get off your fucking knees." Matt slowly got off his knees, his cheeks blushing for god knows what reason. He kept his hands behind his head, as if that would help in any way. But he looked like an idiot, so Nicole didn't have him stop.

"Ok now throw all your weapons on the ground. Don't fucking try to be sneaky." Her commanding voice sounded way stronger than she felt. She was so weak, her knees could give out at any minute. When was the last time she ate? Jesus, she needed to take better care of herself.

Matt took a small knife out of one of his boots, how the hell he fit it in there she didn't know. He reached into his coat and brought out a tiny pistol as well as a few grenades.

"That's it." He said as he handed them over. But Nicole wasn't stupid. She knew that the Deckers' thing was katanas. Every one of them knew how to wield one. Her eyes squinted as she looked him up and down. He genuinely looked confused and for a moment she wondered if he actually didn't have one.

"Take the jacket off." The command almost surprised her, she didn't mean to actually say that.

"What? You can't possibly be serious...?"

The blush on his cheeks deepened as Nicole waited for him to take his coat off. He unbuttoned it and shrugged it off and the Boss couldn't help but notice the slight muscles in his shoulders. How did a hacker get muscles? He dropped it to the ground and raised his hands again, and once again Nicole watched as his muscles contracted and wondered if maybe he was showing off.

"Turn around."

Matt slowly spun, and only after confirming that he had no other weapons did she lower her gun.

"Ok, now you need to come with me." Matt gasped slightly when she grabbed his shoulder and shoved him towards the stairs. Were her hands cold? Why did he gasp? What the fuck ever, she didn't care. The quickly arrived at her bedroom and she shoved him into a nearby chair. Now what?

He watched as she searched the room for something to keep him still. She found a rope- ignoring why a rope was in her room- and tied his hands together behind the chair, the same with his feet. Matt was blushing insanely red and for a second she was glad that he was embarrassed. He deserved to feel every negative emotion possible. She grinned at him, hoping it deepened the embarrassment. Just as she was about to really rip him a new one, footsteps rang out downstairs. They were rapidly approaching them, and she immediately knew it was Johnny. He came in the room, raising his eyebrow when he saw Matt strapped to a chair.

"Don't ask. The fucker thought he could sneak into our gang and go undercover." Her voice changed dramatically; even Matt noticed. It went from 'I want to kill you' to 'I want to hug you'. Johnny knew it, too. He grinned smugly, opening his arms for a hug.

"I heard from Pierce that you need a real ass whoopin, sis." Nicole came over, briefly hugging her best friend and taking solace in the fact that he really was there for her in his weird way. Matt cleared his voice behind the Boss, turning even more red if that's possible.

"I'm sorry to break up whatever this is, but how long do I have to stay here?" His voice trembled and Nicole was rocked with the fact that he was scared of her. It made her feel powerful, but at the same time awoke a sadness inside her. Was she really that frightening?

"You're gonna be there until someone comes to get you, and then I'll probably kill you after I kill them." Matt visibly went white. The threat became even scarier when said in monotone. Sighing, she turned back to Johnny.

"So are you gonna try to beat my ass or...?"

Johnny laughed, "Whaddya mean, 'try'? I could take you, no problem."

The Boss laughed for the first time in a long time, a genuine laugh. "That's what you said last time, too."

Johnny's phone beeped and he quickly apologized and left, saying something about Aisha. In the awkward quiet that was left behind by Johnny, Nicole realized that it was eleven at night. Her eyelids weighed heavily against her best efforts, and she almost fell asleep while standing up. Matt woke her out of her stupor with a groan as he tried to situate himself comfortably on the wooden chair.

"Go to sleep." As if it was that easy, she herself should know.

"I can't do it at command, you know."

"Too bad, do it anyway." Nicole went over to her closet, looking for something more comfy to sleep in. Completely forgetting about the man behind her, she stripped her shirt and leggings off, leaving her only in her boxers. They were purple and black, her two favorite colors. Basically all of her clothes were black and/or purple. She pulled on a lilac tank top and shut her closet door, turning around and walking to the bed. Matt was looking very intently at the wall, his blue lipstick contrasting sharply with the bright red of his cheeks. She realized that she might possibly have been the first woman to undress in front of him, and for a moment felt bad for him. She wasn't the prettiest, not by a long shot.

"Sorry, I won't do that again." Her apology was quiet, barely a murmur, and she was shocked when he cleared his throat to respond.

"It wasn't unpleasant, but please learn to respect yourself more." What the hell was he talking about?

Whatever, like it's his business.

"Shut the fuck up."

He obeyed, sitting silently. For the next half hour, it was a competition of who could hold onto consciousness longer. Matt was nodding off, giving Nicole great relief. No way would she fall asleep if he was still awake. She quickly drifted off after hearing Matt's slight snores.

It would be a long week.


End file.
